Humor 101: You Might Be a College Student…

This is Lesson 3 in our ongoing series about college life. You might be a college student if…

• You’ve ever price shopped for Top Ramen, comparing prices at multiple stores.
• You live in a house with three couches, none of which match in style or color.
• You consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal, perhaps even adding ketchup for “vegetables.”
• You have ever written a check for 45 cents, likely to avoid a bank fee.
• You have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles, displayed prominently (or hidden under the bed).
• You have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping, likely due to studying or… other activities.
• Your glass set is composed of McDonald’s Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups, accumulated over time.
• Your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads, pushing it to the absolute limit.
• You cannot remember when you last washed your car, and it’s starting to grow its own ecosystem.
• You can pack your worldly possessions into the back of a pick-up (one trip), a testament to minimalist living.
• You have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light, or some other equally inexpensive beverage.
• The first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself, a sign of sleep deprivation.
• You average less than 3 hours of sleep a night, fueled by caffeine and desperation.
• Your trash is overflowing, but your bank account isn’t, a clear indication of priorities.
• You go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week, a common occurrence for college students.
• You eat at the cafeteria because it’s “free”, even though it sucks, because free is free.
• You are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy, one late-night order at a time.
• You wake up 10 minutes before class, a master of time management (or procrastination).
• You wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them, pushing the boundaries of hygiene.
• Your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class, a balanced start to the day (not).
• Your social life consists of a date with the library, surrounded by books and the quiet hum of knowledge.
• Your idea of “doing your hair” is putting on a baseball cap, a quick and easy solution.
• It takes a shovel to find the floor of your room, buried under a mountain of clothes and textbooks.
• You carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that’s all you have, living on a tight budget.
• You haven’t done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class, a desperate measure.
• Your midnight snack is microwave popcorn, a classic college staple.
• You celebrate when you find a quarter, a small victory in the grand scheme of things.
• Your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over, a sign of inadequate heating.
• Your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference), adding some personality to the space.
• You have built up a tolerance for certain beverages, a skill honed over time.
• You wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself, a testament to its structural integrity.
• Your backpack is giving you Scoliosis, overloaded with textbooks and notebooks.
• You get more sleep in class than in your room, a common occurrence during lectures.
• Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles, a relatable sentiment.
• You can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo, a superpower developed out of necessity.
• You live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes, embracing the tiny living trend.
• You get more e-mail than mail, a sign of the times.